For the first time in a very long time, I don’t feel the need to chase, force, fix, rescue, prove, or reinvent myself. I don’t feel the need to make drastic changes or take unnecessary risks just because I am afraid of being still.

At 47 years old, I have finally reached a place where peace feels more valuable than excitement….. atleast that’s the goal. I’m speaking those things that aren’t as though they are 😉

And I don’t want to ruin it.

For years, I confused chaos with living. I thought I needed constant movement, constant change, constant people around me. But what I’ve learned through recovery and healing is that peace is not boring. Peace is a gift. Stability is a blessing. Safety is sacred.

Today, I find myself praying differently.

I am praying for a dwelling place where the Holy Spirit is welcome.

Not just a roof over my head. Not just four walls and furniture. I am praying for a home that feels like God’s presence lives there. A place where peace walks through the rooms. A place where love feels tangible. A place where protection covers every corner.

I want my home to be a sanctuary.

I want worship to fill the rooms.

I want prayer to cover the walls.

I want peace to rest there.

Most of all, I want my home to remain holy ground.

I pray that my new home never sees a hint of drugs, alcohol, or cigarettes.

Those things stole enough from me already.

They took years of my life, damaged relationships, clouded my judgment, and kept me separated from the woman God created me to be. I refuse to give them another seat at my table.

Not one bottle.

Not one drug.

Not one cigarette.

Not one compromise.

I pray that the chains that God broke stay broken.

I also pray for wisdom regarding relationships.

For too many years, I sought validation from people who were never meant to have access to me. I confused attention with love and loneliness with a reason to settle.

Not anymore.

I pray that I never cheapen my worth by inviting random men into my life, my body, or my home.

I pray that I honor the temple God gave me.

I pray that I remember that loneliness is not an emergency.

I pray that I never sacrifice my peace just to avoid being alone.

Because being alone and being lonely are not the same thing.

One of the things I want most in this season is to prove something to myself.

I want to prove that I can be single and still thrive.

I want to prove that I can build a beautiful life without depending on a relationship to complete me.

I want to prove that I can pay my bills, manage my home, care for myself, pursue my dreams, deepen my faith, and walk confidently into the future as a single woman.

Not because I have something to prove to the world.

But because I have something to prove to myself.

I want to know that the woman God has been rebuilding through recovery is strong enough to stand on her own two feet.

I want to know that my joy comes from Christ and not from another person.

I want to know that my peace isn’t dependent on who stays or who leaves.

And if God brings someone into my life one day, I want it to be from a place of wholeness, not desperation.

The truth is, stepping out on my own is scary.

There are moments when fear whispers that I won’t make it.

There are moments when uncertainty tries to convince me that I need a backup plan, a crutch, or an escape route.

But every time fear speaks, I hear God reminding me that He didn’t bring me this far to abandon me now.

The same God who carried me through addiction will carry me through independence.

The same God who protected me in my darkest moments will protect me in this new season.

The same God who provided then will provide now.

So today, I am not praying for excitement.

I am praying for consistency.

I am not praying for chaos disguised as adventure.

I am praying for peace.

I am not praying for shortcuts.

I am praying for obedience.

And I am asking God to help me protect the beautiful, healthy, safe life He is helping me build.

This season is sacred.

My home will be sacred.

My recovery is sacred.

My peace is sacred.

And by God’s grace, I intend to protect all of it.