For so long, life was wild.

There was always something happening—some drama, some crisis, some emotional fire to put out. Even the substances played their part:

• Drinking to escape
• Using to feel something (or nothing)
• Riding the wave of high highs and crashing into low lows

It wasn’t healthy. It wasn’t sustainable. But it was familiar.

And familiar can feel like safety—even when it’s destroying you.

Because my brain has been wired for stimulation—for spikes of dopamine, for emotional extremes. Peace feels like flatlining when you’re used to rollercoasters.

All of a sudden I have to train my body to learn that I don’t need chaos to feel alive.

I don’t have to start an argument just to feel something. I don’t have to chase people who are bad for me just to feel wanted. Put myself in risky situations just to feel awake. Stay up all night just to avoid my thoughts. Use substances to create a version of “fun” I can’t sustain. Burn everything down just to have something to rebuild. Live in survival mode just to prove I’m strong.

Boring is actually safe. Something I haven’t felt in a long time.

Jesus, be my peace, be my safety. Let me rest in your safety. Put purpose in my life that gives me energy and recharges me. Help me to see you in the calm.