He Is Worthy of It All

This morning on my way to work, I was listening to my favorite worship song, “Worthy of It All.” As I sang along, I found myself once again picturing my favorite scene.

It’s a simple image, but one that means everything to me.

I am sitting on a porch swing with Jesus. My head is resting against His chest. The sounds of nature surround us—the birds singing, the breeze moving through the trees, the peaceful rhythm of creation doing what it was created to do. As we sit there together, He gently strokes my hair.

And just like almost every time I picture this scene, tears begin to roll down my face.

As I drove, I found myself wondering why this image affects me so deeply. Why does this song stir something so profound in my soul?

Then it hit me.

I spend most of my life in survival mode.

Not just in everyday life.

Spiritually too.

I don’t spend hours praying.

I don’t fast for days.

I don’t evangelize on street corners.

The truth is, most days I am using every ounce of strength I have just trying not to fall back into the person I used to be.

Trying not to take drugs.

Trying not to get drunk.

Trying not to numb my pain.

Trying not to sleep around.

Trying not to say things I shouldn’t say.

Trying not to give in to old habits and destructive ways of coping.

For years, my walk with God has felt more like a battle than a stroll through a garden.

Some days it feels like all I have enough energy to do is survive.

But when I picture myself sitting beside Jesus on that porch swing, I realize what my heart is longing for.

Rest.

Not striving.

Not fighting.

Not surviving.

Resting.

I want to rest in His arms.

I want to sit at His feet and worship Him.

I want to walk with Him.

I want to know Him more deeply.

I want to experience His presence without the constant noise of pain, grief, fear, temptation, and heartache screaming for my attention.

I think that’s why the tears come.

Because for a few moments, while that song is playing, I get a glimpse of what my soul was created for.

Not addiction.

Not survival.

Not heartbreak.

Not loss.

But communion with Him.

There is coming a day when faith becomes sight.

A day when I will see Jesus face to face.

A day when there will be no more grief.

No more heartache.

No more disappointment.

No more sorrow.

No more loss.

No more fighting old demons.

No more struggling just to make it through another day.

Just Jesus.

Forever.

And every sacrifice, every tear, every lonely night, every battle fought in secret, every temptation resisted, every painful step of recovery will have been worth it.

Because He is worthy of it all.

Every victory.

Every surrender.

Every ounce of praise.

Every chapter of my story.

Every breath.

He is worthy of it all.

And until the day I see Him face to face, I’ll keep fighting. I’ll keep trusting. I’ll keep surrendering.

But more than anything, I’ll keep longing for that porch swing.

The place where my weary soul finally finds rest in the arms of the One who carries me through it all.