Forgiving people who, I feel, are still hurting me feels almost impossible. It goes against instinct. Everything in me wants to protect, to defend, to draw a hard line and say, “Enough.” And in many ways, that instinct isn’t wrong—it’s human.

When someone is actively causing me pain—whether through words, actions, neglect, or manipulation—my first responsibility is safety. Emotional, mental, and physical boundaries matter. Forgiveness does not mean staying in harm’s way. It does not mean tolerating mistreatment or pretending something doesn’t hurt when it clearly does.

Forgiveness is something else entirely.

It’s an internal decision to release the grip that pain has on my heart.

But, when someone is still hurting me, when there’s no apology, no changed behavior, no moment where they realize the pain they are inflicting. It seems impossible.

But unforgiveness keeps me tied to the pain. It keeps my thoughts circling the offense, my emotions reacting to their behavior, my peace dependent on whether they change. And if they don’t change, I stay stuck.

Forgiveness breaks that cycle.

It doesn’t mean I won’t feel anger, sadness, or even betrayal. Forgiveness is not the absence of those feelings—it’s choosing not to let them harden me.

It’s choosing not to rehearse what they did or are doing, over and over in my mind. It’s resisting the urge to retaliate. It’s releasing the need for them to “get what they deserve.”

Forgiveness requires honesty.

I can’t forgive what I won’t acknowledge. If it hurt, say it hurt. If it broke something in me, I admit that. If I’m angry, then I am angry. Real forgiveness isn’t fake peace—it’s hard, raw, and deeply truthful.

It takes time.

Forgiveness is often a process, not a one-time decision.

The truth is people who hurt others are often carrying their own brokenness. That doesn’t excuse what they’re doing. It doesn’t make it okay. But it can help me understand that their actions are more about them than they are about me.

At its core, forgiveness is about freedom.

Not theirs—mine.

It’s choosing peace even when the situation isn’t peaceful. It’s choosing to live unburdened, even when someone else refuses to change. It’s reclaiming my life.

Forgiveness doesn’t make you weak—it makes you free.

Dear Jesus, help me forgive those that have and are hurting me. Help me release them to you. Help me see the pain and hurt for what it really is, a tool that satan uses to divide and cause chaos. Give me strength to forgive and a heart that easily forgives. Soften my heart to these people. Help me to see them through your eyes. Take the pain that has been inflicted on me and use it for your glory. Allow that pain to point me straight to you! In Jesus Name, Amen