I hate that brokenness comes from loss.

The kind people can’t fix with the right words.

It’s the kind that never stops.

You lose your dad.
Then your brother.

You lose friends.
Then your marriage falls apart.
Then somehow… you lose your kids too.

And at some point, it stops feeling like “life happens” and starts feeling personal.

Like… why me?
Like… how much am I supposed to take?
Like… where was God in all of this?

Because if God is good… then why does it feel like everything good has been taken from me?

People will tell you to pray.
To trust God.
To lean on faith.

But what do you do when you’re trying to stay sober… and at the same time you’re quietly questioning everything you were taught to believe?

What do you do when trusting God doesn’t come naturally anymore… because your life feels like proof that maybe He isn’t real!

That’s a hard place to sit in.

Loss has a way of distorting things.

It makes you question your worth.
It makes you question your purpose.
And if you’re not careful… it will make you question God’s character.

You start to believe things like:

“God forgot about me.”
“God is punishing me.”
“God only shows up for other people.”

And those thoughts don’t always come loud and obvious.
Sometimes they show up quietly… in the way you stop praying, or the way you expect disappointment before anything good can happen.

Pain can change your perspective… without changing who God actually is.

Just because my life has been filled with loss doesn’t mean God stopped being good.

It means I’ve walked through things that most people couldn’t survive.

And the fact that I’m still here—still breathing, still trying, still fighting to stay sober—says something.

Learning to trust God again doesn’t happen overnight.

It’s slow.
It’s uncomfortable.
And sometimes it feels like you’re starting from nothing.

I am learning that;

God can handle my questions.
He can handle my anger.
He can handle my doubt.

What He doesn’t require is perfection.

He just asks that I keep showing up.

Even if it’s messy.
Even if it’s inconsistent.
Even if all I have is a tiny piece of hope that maybe… just maybe… He’s still good.

I may not understand my story right now.

I might still be carrying grief that feels too heavy.

I’m still healing from losses that changed me forever. Atleast I hope that I am.

But the story isn’t over.

My prayer is that one day I can say “God is good” with full assurance! Until then, I’ll trust that He is doing what only He can do.